Coffee and candles: living each day with love

Most Viterbo students know the smiling woman in Franny's coffee shop named Karen. Karina Knutson, former liberal arts major and graduate, said Steinhoff "always served me with a smile, and often bought me coffee on days when I needed a pick-me-up or stress reliever."

On Nov. 13, 2009, Steinhoff lit a candle in honor of her son, Justin, who died one year ago. The nationwide event sponsored by a group called Compassionate Friends, remembers all the children who have lost their lives. This is just one part of Steinhoff's life that has helped make the woman behind the coffee counter.

"Live everyday with love and compassion," Steinhoff said. "You never know when you'll see loved ones, co-workers, or strangers again. You never know what kind of impact you will leave on that person." This has been her motto throughout life, and gains meaning every day.

Karen Kay Steinhoff, Franny's main barista, has been used to serving people, and she enjoys it. In 1989, a month after her son was diagnosed with cancer, Steinhoff's family moved to Bismarck, N.D., because of her husband's sales representative job. Steinhoff spent six years in Bismarck and enjoyed every moment of it. "The greatest part was the milkman. It was a safe place to raise the kids," Steinhoff said.

After settling in Bismarck, Steinhoff's family moved again. In 1994, her husband's job took his family to St. Louis. Again, Steinhoff loved the city. "I had my family," Steinhoff said. "That's all I needed."

Steinhoff took a job running the concessions for the St. Louis Blues. She describes the experience as a "blast." Steinhoff said the children would get done with school and meet her at work. Justin, Steinhoff's son and amateur hockey player, skated with Wayne Gretzky, a pro hockey player. Her daughter kept her busy with figure skating.

Steinhoff said the nicest part of St. Louis was being with her family. St. Louis made them closer because they were alone and together in a completely foreign place. "It was just the family, which was great. We could feed off each other. Nothing was a secret. It was just us. We became close," Steinhoff said.

After two years in St. Louis, in 1996, Steinhoff's family was uprooted again, due to Jerry's job. This time the destination was Fort Wayne. Here is where they stayed until their children graduated high school. Most of Lindsey's and Justin's best friends live in Fort Wayne, Ind.

Steinhoff said that the best part of Fort Wayne was that it was warmer, especially compared to Bismarck. Also, "No matter where we've lived, we just made it home."

Once the children graduated, Steinhoff, Jerry, and Justin were able to move back home to La Crosse, while Lindsey attended the International Academy for Design and Technology in Chicago for fashion. Steinhoff said La Crosse is her true home, and it is nice to be back.

Home was a bittersweet experience for Steinhoff, as her son died on Nov. 13, 2008. The autopsy reported a heart condition that may have killed him. On Nov. 13, Steinhoff's daughter traveled home to celebrate her brother's life with her family.

Steinhoff said, "People will often say, ‘Friday the 13th, huh?' I just tell them, ‘Nov. 13, her birthday's Sept. 11, and her brother died young. So what?'"

Steinhoff said she has always been a positive person. After the traumatic experience of losing a son, Steinhoff said she starting looking for signs.

Once, after Steinhoff's friend was leaving to go home, an owl appeared at her front door. "I had heard it the night before," Steinhoff said. "And then, there it was right at my front door. The owl was Justin, reminding Steinhoff of his love. A second instance included seeing doves. All summer, the doves stared at her from Justin's memorial bench in her yard. The last instance occurred at Justin's burial. After releasing Justin's ashes at Laguna Beach, Cali., Justin's favorite beach, the ashes stayed with them for 20 minutes before going out to sea.

Steinhoff said she tries to keep her son alive. She wears peace symbols in honor of her son. "That was his message: peace," she said. "He would end every conversation with peace; it would follow the pattern of ‘Have a nice day. Peace.' I guess I am just trying to keep him alive."

Now, Steinhoff busies herself. She said she has always been a busy person, staying active in her family and with friends. She and her husband travel to New York to visit her daughter, and Steinhoff said that there is "no sitting around for me." Working at Franny's offers Steinhoff a way to be active in the community and keep her busy.

Steinhoff said Franny's keeps her busy, too. She has been with Viterbo for three full years. She worked in the campus kitchen at nights, and knew once Franny's opened, she had found her niche.

"It's hard seeing the kids grow up and graduate. I tell them ‘Don't hurry and grow up.'" Steinhoff noted there are no hard times in Franny's. She "enjoys [her] co-workers and the people who come in and out," Steinhoff said.

She said that people can tell that her facial expressions are genuine and for real. She knows students by name and even some routines. "I know what some are going to drink in the morning and the afternoon. I even know when they are going to go to the bathroom before coming in the coffee shop," Steinhoff said.

Steinhoff said this is the time when she starts thinking about her son, since it is close to the anniversary of his death. Every night, she lights a candle in honor of her son's life. Steinhoff is working with Compassionate Friends, a nonprofit organization strives to unite families and friends around the globe by lighting candles for one hour to honor children who have died.

"I didn't know what lighting a candle meant until now," Steinhoff said. Although she will not participate in the worldwide lighting event, it is simply because "lighting a candle is personal to me and my family. We just want to honor Justin."